Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
