she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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