I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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