end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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