My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
