Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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