Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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