My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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