dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
