Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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