my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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