It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
