We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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