Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
