You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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