I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
