I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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