I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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