Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
