So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
