So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
