I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
