its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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