I skipped work to stalk him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize