Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
