3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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