I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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