The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
