I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
