My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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