You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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