how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
