I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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