watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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