im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
