maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
