My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just cropdusted the office
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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