he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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