i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
