it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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