and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
