Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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