I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
