you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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