Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
