I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
