I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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