Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
