You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
