obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
