3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
