why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
