You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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