So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
