I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
