we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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