$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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