I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
