I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
