on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
