Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
