Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
