he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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