it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
